• Can you make it to 5pm?
  • Let's GO!
  • Sally has made some coffee, do you want some?
  • Yes.
  • No.
  • Cream or sugar?
  • Cream.
  • I need a sugar fix.
  • Oh, I forgot, it's in the kitchen. You can go get it yourself.?
  • Rush to kitchen before coffee gets cold.
  • How about a nice cup of tea?
  • Yes, that would be jolly good.
  • No, thanks.
  • I imported this Fair Trade coffee as a special treat, go make your own tea.
  • Rush to kitchen before you feel guilty.
  • What about a diet soda water?
  • Yes, but I'm not fat, I just prefer the taste.
  • Nope, I've had all the aspartame I can handle today.
  • The diet soda water fizzes up all over the place !
  • Go to next room, see if there is a paper towel.
  • You reach through the darkness and grab a paper towel. Bleah !
  • What is this ? Your hand is covered in ink !
  • Water? Everyone likes water.
  • Yes, I'd LOVE a cup!
  • No, thanks.
  • The water is a bit cloudy, but you are so thirsty from all these drink questions that you gulp it down. YOU HAVE DIED FROM DYSENTRY.
  • Let's try this again.
  • You pass out from dehydration. You are unconsious for the whole day. Nobody notices. You made it to 5 pm, YOU WIN !
  • I want to play again!
  • The kitchen has a microwave and a refrigerator.
  • What's in the microwave?
  • Let's take a peek in the refrigerator.
  • As you get closer there is some ooze coming out the door edges.
  • I'm brave. Move closer.
  • Umm, let's go back to the refrigerator.
  • As you get closer, something smells sickening, yet sweet.
  • Open the door, let's eat it !
  • Maybe the microwave is a better idea.
  • Your in the carbon paper storage room ! Only recently phased out, there are decades of documents in here.
  • Walk in.
  • You slip on more of your spilt cola, knocking over the stacks. Papers are flying everywhere !
  • Run!
  • Begin re-filing everything.
  • Do you want to re-file all of this Alphabetical-ly or Dewey Decimal-ly ?
  • Alphabetical-ly.
  • Dewey Decimal-ly.
  • Bored to tears, but working at a steady pace, you finish filing. You made it to 5 PM ! YOU WIN !!
  • Play again?
  • Bleah ! Something really exploded in here !
  • Clean this mess up.
  • It's still luke-warm, let's have a taste.
  • Gross ! You ate that ? Now your stomach is aching, you are sooooo sick!
  • Ask Boss if I can go home.
  • Wow ! That looks great ! But now you have nacho cheeze all over your arm.
  • Go to the bathroom.
  • Looks like half a candy bar and some leftover salad.
  • Candybar! Candybar !
  • What kind of dressing on that salad ?
  • Edna comes rushing in. Upset that she has made a poor career choice, she has run up an enormous credit card debt.
  • Ask to borrow money from her.
  • She's a little shocked, but agrees to try to get a cash advance during lunch.
  • Leave and plan how your going to spend it.
  • Oh No ! All of the customer support calls have rolled over to Alice's desk !
  • Examine the phone.
  • Offer to help.
  • There are a bunch of weird wires sticking out of the back. One goes wandering down the hallway.
  • Follow it.
  • "Thank You!" she says, grabbing her hat, coat, and purse, and then rushing to the elevator.
  • Phone ringing ! Quick ! Pick it up !
  • She never returns. You clear 1764 trouble tickets, a customer service record ! You made it to 5 PM ! YOU WIN !!
  • Start Over!
  • Which restroom ?
  • Women's.
  • Men's.
  • What a mess ! The smell is horrendous ! You wash up quickly.
  • Get me outta here !
  • You are greeted with a pomegranate smoothie. Sents of lilac surround you. After a hot bath in fancy salts and a massage, your ready for work.
  • Ahhhhhhhh.
  • Now, pretend YOU are the boss. Would you let you go home ?
  • Yes, yes. Poor me.
  • Heck no, tell me to get back to work !
  • You leave and decide to go to the movies. A huge box of buttery popcorn soothes your stomach. But the plot is weak and the characters cliche'. Your stomach churns again.
  • Go back to the office.
  • You are in the hallway, one room on your left and another on your right.
  • Computer Room
  • Conference Room
  • It is cold and dark, and there are wires everywhere. There are sounds of a strugggle!
  • Keep walking in.
  • I'm outta here!
  • No ! It's the dreaded pre-meeting ! The meeting about an upcoming meeting. Careful ! You could become obligated to show up at the meeting meeting.
  • The only seat left is at the head of the table.
  • Slowly walk backwards, they might not see you.
  • It's a dark room, but there is a little light and noise between some curtains.
  • Walk through the curtains.
  • Go back.
  • Yikes ! Your on stage in front of a large group of investors. They stand and burst into applause. There is a speech to read on the podium.
  • Read from speech.
  • Wing it !
  • The speech is wooden, dry, and filled with terrible Web 2.0 buzzwords. Some investors walk out, others IM their stock brokers to sell.
  • Smile weakly, give a thumbs-up, and leave.
  • You manage to draw a vague parallel between EBITA and and the Christmas episode of Charles in Charge. The crowd goes berzerk ! You spend the afternoon drinking and dancing with investors. You made it to 5 pm, You WIN !
  • Let me relive the euphoria !
  • The manufacturers say they are going to cut production unless they get paid immediately. Also, do you know a nice place for lunch ?
  • Point them to accounting; Barry's BBQ Round-up.
  • Point CEO's office; Kung Fu House of Stir Fry.
  • Bleah ! We had that yesterday.
  • Let me go get a phone book.
  • Yuck ! What else can you suggest ?
  • Let me go get a phone book.
  • The cleaning lady is at your desk. Looks like she has been day trading on your computer again.
  • Hit with mop.
  • Get a stock tip.
  • Now you are stuck mopping the mud room. Up until now you never knew the company had a mud room, or even why.
  • Get busy mopping.
  • The stock wins at the stock market lottery races !
  • Collect your dough !
  • You lose yourself in a mop zen-like meditation and the hours slip away. The mud room has never been cleaner. You made it to 5 PM ! YOU WIN !
  • Go Again!
  • You are stopped in the hall by the SEC. They accuse you of insider trading. When you mention the cleaning lady, they laugh and put on the handcuffs.
  • Try Again.
  • Jamie and Vera need your help. They can't decide who is more business casual. Which of them is more smartly dressed ?
  • Check the employee manual.
  • Throw a fashion magazine at them and run.
  • I have read and agree to these policies set heretofore.
  • The accounting server has become self-aware and is holding the I.T. guy hostage with heavy gauge network cable.
  • You ask how you can help.
  • "How do I install a new screensaver ?"
  • You must go on a quest to find the Scepter of Infinite Bandwidth and bring it back to the computer room as fast as you can !
  • Go to the next room.
  • The I.T. guy explains in detail what to do and then mutters something it taxing cpu thread instances.
  • Rush back to your desk to try it out.
  • The screensaver works great ! You spend the rest of the day gazing into the pretty colors. You made it to 5 pm ! YOU WIN !
  • I want to go again!
  • They ask you how we can better harmonize the relational culture paradigm via core competence synergy enabled opportunities.
  • Strategic focused based ?
  • Groupwide tactical enhanced ?
  • Everyone is impressed with the accumen of your business jargon. The entire project is dumped on your lap. You work nights for 6 weeks straight. YOU LOSE !
  • Let's start over.
  • You are stopped by a small mob of disgruntled stockholders. They would like a friendly chat with the CEO.
  • Feed them some generic, dull, economic indicators.
  • Give them the inside scoop, juicy gossip and all !
  • They grow sleepy from your endless comparative economic scenarios. They dash out for coffee. Someone approaches in the distance.
  • Who goes there?
  • I want some coffee !
  • You tell the story about the CEO's crazy expensive "lost weekend" in Las Vegas, when you remember that you were there too.
  • Backpedal !
  • Go see my hypnotist.
  • Your memories come rushing back. You had given evidence to the FBI against an illegal counterfit Members OnlyŽ jackets ring, and it had become necessary to hide you in a witness relocation program.
  • Whatever man, can I get back to work please?
  • You remember a hidden, secret stash of Members OnlyŽ jackets.
  • Murray is in charge of this year's "Secret Santa" holiday gift exchange. Coincidently, you draw his name.
  • Make him a card out of dry macaroni.
  • Wait, it's July !
  • He loves it ! He leaves it posted to his cubicle year round. Some ants eat a corner of it, but for the most part it stays together.
  • Quit and establish a macaroni art studio.
  • You snatch the hat out of his hands. Sure enough, ALL of the paper slips have Murray's name on them.
  • Report him to your manager.
  • "I think I left my lunch in the microwave !"
  • A macaroni art studio. Really? What were you thinking? Sales are miserable and your forced to liquidate your macaroni warehouse.
  • I like cheese.
  • Oh no ! You have wandered into marketing ! He wants your opinions on the new advertisment campaign they have been working on.
  • That looks nice.
  • Do you have anything else?
  • What if we changed the picture ?
  • The other one was fine.
  • I'm thinking we need a cute kitty cat.
  • We could change the fonts and colors !
  • What's a font ?
  • No words. Just the image in my mind's eye.
  • Can you read the disclaimer ?
  • Let me get my magnifying glass.
  • Run it by legal
  • The ad draws 10x the audience of the company's Super Bowl ad. Everyone in marketing gets a free HDTV. Oh, but your not in marketing are you?
  • Wait, what?
  • They begin a spirited debate about concentric supramacro B2B "grist for the mill".
  • Go to the next room.
  • I'm thinking "Strategic focused based" instead.
  • Hey look, it's Buck doing the bi-weekly paperclip inventory !
  • Let's see if he needs any help.
  • No, throw off his count by yelling random numbers !
  • Ha-Ha-Ha! You got him! Now he has to start all over again!
  • Take off down the hallway.
  • The paperclip total is one less than last week. You will have to meet with accounting, legal, and management tomorrow, because it's 5 pm, time to go home !
  • Start again.
  • The 80's to become fashionable again and you sell the Members OnlyŽ jackets on an online auction website. You make enough money to retire as a DJ in Ibiza!
  • Start again.
  • A distressed CEO approaches. He is upset because earnings are off the estimate by 1˘.
  • Suggest a variety of cost cutting measures.
  • Give him a penny.
  • He stares at you, dead in the eyes, for several minutes. He gives you his gold watch and wanders off. You notice he has no shoes on.
  • Pawn Shop !
  • He actually begins to write down some of your ideas, on his forearm. He stops to tell you he needs lots of document shredding done immediately.
  • Go to the shredding room.
  • I got to go to the bathroom.
  • At the Pawn Shop you find out the watch isn't made of gold, it's made of an even more rarer stuff called... ahh... um... Rareadium or something. You get $2500 ! You didn't make it to 5 pm, but who cares? $2500 !! WOW !
  • Take me to the top.
  • The hamster has escaped ! It's a present for Allen's kids. Help find it.
  • Up in the tree, how hard was that?
  • Sneak out.
  • The joy of reuniting Allen with his pet makes you decide to quit your job and become a veternarian. YOU WIN A SENSE OF PERSONAL SELF-SATISFACTION !
  • Now, let's try to make it to 5pm...
  • So, shall we set the shredder setting for linear or cross-cut ?
  • Linear, we may need to reassemble all of these later.
  • Cross-cut, there is a parade later this week.
  • Digging through the massive paper pile you find an odd, colorfully encrusted object. It's The Scepter of Infinite Bandwidth !
  • Take it to the I.T. Guy.
  • The I.T. Guy snatches The Scepter of Infinite Bandwidth from your hand. He hurles it through the cpu vortex core. The crazy, out-of-control accounting server is defeated.
  • You are to be rewarded for your help.
  • You are promoted (?) to I.T.. You get a smaller desk , a few broken computers and some great conversation with others in the department...
  • Star Trek or
  • Star Wars ?
  • WRONG ! You lose the promotion ! But the legend of The Scepter of Infinite Bandwidth grows and grows. You use the fame to tour Sci-Fi conventions.
  • I wish I had never heard of The Scepter of Infinite Bandwidth
  • As you start shredding, there are sounds of screams and guns shots ! You peer out the doorway to see agents storming the building ! OH NO ! It's the SEC !
  • Run upstairs to the roof.
  • You walk in to find your manager stealing office supplies and selling them on the internet. At prices so low, she must be crazy !
  • Get one of those cool chairs.
  • Extort !
  • Whoa ! This is one cool chair ! Now, what do I do with it ?
  • Put in car trunk for safe keeping.
  • What have I done? This is wrong!
  • Your manager agrees to give you a one time cash "consulting fee" in exchange for your silence. Also, a leaky inkjet refill kit.
  • Meet me in the parking lot, come alone.
  • Armed guards force you to the ground and throw on the handcuffs. You have been framed ! But, it all ends in a mistrial because the DNA evidence was not a match.
  • Go back to work like nothing ever happened.
  • You bump into the dude from the plant service. He is all upset that, despite his best efforts, the plants are not looking so good.
  • Suggest a switch to xeriscaping techniques.
  • Please stop watering the artifical ones.
  • Congratulations! Xeriscaping is the first step to your building's LEED Green Certification, which you are now in charge of, unpaid, on weekends. The Environment WINS!
  • I don't have a green thumb.
  • The plant dude overwaters all the fake plants. Mud surges through the hallways like a river. Looks like the fake plants were potted in real soil!
  • Scrape all the mud into the mud room.
  • On the roof is the corporate helicopter. The pilot is just standing there.
  • Give him that finger circle "Start Engines" hand signal.
  • You jump into the helicopter just as the executives come rushing out to the roof. The SEC is right behind them !
  • GO! GO! GO!
  • As the helicopter climbs higher and higher, you watch the action as the SEC corners and arrest everyone. The pilot asks "Where to?"
  • Home please, and step on it.
  • Enough gas to get to Cancun ?
  • The helicopter goes into a steep turn, and lines up with an amazing sunset. You settle back in your leather seat with your complimentary peanuts. YOU WIN !!
  • Relive the adventure again for the first time.